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Motherhood comes with its own set of challenges as well as many joys. Single/choice motherhood brings all of these in two folds, mainly because you are playing the role of two parents. If you are raising your child as a single mother, or planning to, we have gathered some tips for you based on the experiences of other single mothers.
There is really no way to sugar coat this: unfortunately a lot of judgement comes along your way when you plan to be a single mother in India. It might come from your parents, other family members or someone who knows you. Other single mothers suggest that it is better to simply pay no heed to such remarks and instead, be proud of the choice you have made as the love you receive from your child is infinite.
Single mothers have also mentioned on multiple platforms that unlike the judgemental clan, most of the time, there would be a set of people on whom you can completely rely when you are a single mother. They might some close friends and in case of a divorce, your ex-husband can also be a ray of support if you have parted on amicable terms and he wishes to help you in bringing up your child. One of the mothers has mentioned how her parents, although reluctant at first, later became her biggest supporters.
You have to be extremely careful of your expenses while raising your child as a single mother as you ought to have enough money to support yourself and your child. Fellow single mothers say that having a job is more of a necessity under these circumstances. It is also necessary to make your child understand how your budget works as they grow up.
Single mothers often find it difficult to find housing even in metropolitan cities. House owners are usually reluctant to rent their houses to a single mother and her child(ren). The schools might demand the details or signature of the father during your child’s admission process. You might also constantly get pressured to get married so that your child can have what the society defines as a ‘complete family’. We sincerely hope you find the courage to face these challenges and be successful in defining single motherhood boss-style.
Like we mentioned already, you would be playing the role of two parents. You would be the one going to work to take care of your family, at the same time, you would also be the one to take your child out to lunch or a friend’s birthday party. Often times, it gets really difficult to juggle between multiple roles. But you can work out a schedule; if you work the whole week, maybe you take your kid out during the weekend. If you are free in the evenings, you can accompany them to their dance/drawing class. You can also come up with specific activities which you can do as a family, for example, having dinner together every day.
Since you would mostly be a professional woman, you would need someone to take care of your kid(s) while you are at the office. While some of you might have parents or other family members that can lend a helping hand, some of you might want to hire child sitters or nannies. One of the mothers talks about how she didn’t like the idea of her daughter being with a nanny and hence enrolled her to dance, abacus and elocution classes. This way, her daughter would be busy after school till her mommy reached home and at the same time, learn something productive.
Children are curious beings. It is only natural that they ask you questions about why their family is different from their friend’s. If the child goes through a divorce, he/she might ask you why the father isn’t living with you anymore. Most mothers feel that it is important to be transparent with your children rather than being secretive about things. However, they also suggest that you should wait till they attain an age where they can understand the situation well instead of confusing them at a very young age.
There is no rule that you should swear off dating when you are raising your child as a single mother. If you find someone compatible, you can definitely go on dates. A lot of single mothers have found love and gotten married and so can you (if that’s what you want!). One of these mother's advice to keep an open mind while dating and not see the man as a future father figure in your child’s life, but to see if he’s a compatible life partner for you first and eventually move on to his relationship with the child.
With education and awareness, the situation today has improved a lot when compared with how it was a decade ago. People these days are more accepting of a woman’s choices and are often supportive. So, if you are a single mother, raising a beautiful child, all on your own, chin up lovely lady and all the very best! You’ve got this!
April 29, 2021 |
It’s not easy to date and especially so if you have to take care of child as well. Balancing parenting and your dating life can be quite a task but there is no reason why you should not do it. Let us look at a few things to keep in mind when you are dating as a single father.
When there is a child to take care of and other external stresses like work, parents often feel the need to be “super parents” and they end up putting their own needs and necessities behind out of guilt. Wanting to find a partner is only natural. Don’t bash yourself for having these feelings. While your child needs your attention, that does not mean that you shouldn’t give space for your priorities too. Find a babysitter or a friend/family to babysit for when you would be out on the date. Keep yourself reminded that you are a “good enough” parent and dating is not going to change that. Your baby isn’t going to compromise for you and you shouldn’t have to either.
Juggling the various responsibilities of being a single father can get quite tiresome and going on a date may seem like a distant, impossible dream. Sit down with a day planner and map out everything that you have to do. Delegate work as much as possible to anyone else who may be available. Good organizational skills can help you find some time for yourself which you can use to go on that date of yours. While you are at it, be there in the place and time one hundred percent without worrying about your baby. No one likes to have a date lost in his own thoughts!
Dating as a single father is not going to be easy and not just because of the child. People tend to not want to take on the responsibility of a child that is not their own, and this gives single parents a disadvantage (Gray et. al. 2016). It is always best to be upfront and clear from the start. It’s important that you accept the reality for what it is and see how you can get around this. You can look for other single parents to date and may actually find it easier to relate to them due to similarity in life situations. The responsibility is now added on both ends and you can find ways together to bond with each other’s children.
So do we get the dates home to our children? Well, the answer is yes and no. It depends upon your approach to relationships and at what stage of dating you and your partner are in. If you are someone who is not interested in commitments and is only looking for temporary partnerships, it may be better to keep the children uninvolved. We don’t want them missing your ex-partners now, do we? However, if you are strongly committed to a person and you see a future together, then it may be a good idea to gradually introduce them to your children. Let them get to know your children and vice versa and bond together. This will make things better at both ends than dropping the news on your children one fine day and expecting them to get along with your partner and the other way around.
If you thought single parents were less invested in mating than single non-parents, you are in for a surprise. Studies show that single parents, in fact, are much more active sexually and romantically in mating due to possible reasons like re-establishing emotional support for their children (Gray et. al. 2014). You may want to find a “new mother” for your child and have someone who you can share your responsibilities with. However, don’t pressurize yourself to do so. Remember, you are doing your best and you are giving your child the best you can. Stay calm, go on a few dates, and see where things go. Do not feel stressed out about completing that family picture and lose focus of what yo have.
Having a child in the house brings with it a responsibility on the limits of sexual exploration. While it is great to go on a date, taking your partners back home may not always be as convenient if you have little ones running around. Find time for intimacy when your child(ren) are not around. Drop them at a relative’s or friend’s place for a few hours. Shut the doors tight and make your walls soundproof if you are relying on having sex when they are asleep or still in the house. Have fun responsibly lest your little one walks in on something you definitely don’t want them to.
Dating as a single father or mother can be challenging but it is definitely worth pursuing if that is what you want. Investing all your time in the child and leaving nothing for yourself can become exhausting and less-satisfying in the long run. Finding a mate and having sexual needs is only natural and nothing to feel guilty about. Set the boundaries, find time for yourself, and go on that date. Who knows, Ms. Right or Mr. Right may just be around the corner!
February 25, 2021 |
Dating can be quite an adventure. Especially when you are dating as a single mother, it brings about a whole range of emotions - anxiety, hope, disappointment, elation. Parenting is already a full time job. Additionally, if you are a single parent, in raising a young child, it becomes doubly so. The thought of dating might have struck your mind. Wondering what that is like? Here are a few strategies that can help you get back out there!
Today, there are more ways than ever to find potential matches for single people. You may be willing to try and date again, but it is understandable if you are also wary about it. There is a possibility of rejection that comes with the process, and has the potential to really test you. Struggling hard to keep your cynicism at bay? Know that there may be a set of reasons why you have chosen to still be single. There may be too many variables at play. Make sure that you are ready for this change, and take a decision that comes out of self love.
Single parents tend to feel guilty, but know that you do not have to. Dating as a single mother can be by choice, or because of a prior divorce, or widowhood. In any case, guilt may become a constant companion. It is understandable that when you want your child to have the world, you would feel that a partner would make the job easier. Do not feel bad at all for wanting a personal adult life of your own.
It is not only a relationship that you may be going to form with a new person, but also may be including them in your family. A family with kids. Assess thoroughly how the potential stepfamily relationship is going to develop in the future (of course after you reach that stage of seriouseness in dating).
It is best to not associate any moral judgements to wanting to date as a single mother. There is nothing wrong with it, and hence be confident in sharing it with you child. Take your sweet time, but fill them in, whenever you deem fit. It is a slow and gradual process to accept a parental dating relationship. All they need is your reassurance that you love them no matter what, and will forever stick around. Eventually, in time, they are going to learn that including a new person in one’s life does not necessarily mean that affections split up. It might take time, but they will gradually understand and be open to welcoming a new member.
When you are dating as a single mother, it is important to have your date know that you are a mom. Try and find the most appropriate time to do so, preferably over the first date itself. What it does is that it weeds out all dates that do not wish to accommodate children in their new relationship with someone. It will further only help you to not waste your time or invest emotionally. There is no need whatsoever for long descriptions, but rather a simple conversation where they feel comfortable in asking questions to you too.
Get the child involved in this process only once you are sure that the potential match has over time, earned your trust. Take time to know them, their personality. Do a background check if possible. Under no circumstances should you be putting yourself or your child(ren) into any kind of risk.
When is the right time for your child and your date to meet? It is a common question many single mothers wrestle with. Give the relationship a significant amount of time to undergo a natural flow of ups and downs. Allow it to grow and let it reach a point where there is comfort in the idea of seeing the two parties meet.
There is no need for you to think about what the society or people around you might say. That also does not mean that you stop to seek advice, but know that you must overlook any kind of moral judgements people might pass casually. You know what you are doing, and why you are doing it. You are the best judge for yourself. Say bye bye to the moral police! You are going to do just fine, and we are sure of it. Happy dating!
February 23, 2021 |
Conversations about single parenthood are usually centred around the mother and rarely about fatherhood. Don’t worry daddies, we are here to talk about you. While you can figure out a few things easily, some can get really confusing when you are raising your child as a single father. Based on the experiences of other single dads, here are some tips, hacks and advice for you to make fatherhood more joyous.
As a father, you might feel like you would not be able to form a strong connection with your child like the mother would. While the role of a father and mother are usually different, when you are playing both the roles, you can definitely try and form the best bonds with your children. A single father of two 11-year old boys says that he feels like he has been able to connect on a deeper level with his children because he is a single father. He believes the same would not be the case if there were two parents involved.
Spending time with your child(ren) is very important, both when they are just born and during the later stages. They are emotionally dependent on you and crave a lot of attention. Being a single dad, you might not be able to give them your whole day or stay with them all the time, but you surely can dedicate a couple of hours to them. Relax and watch a cartoon show with your child after you come back from work. Laugh with them, cuddle with them and make it a point to have dinner together.
Everybody needs help at some point. While raising your child as a single father, you might want to reach out a lot, and that is a good thing! While you are at work, you would need a sitter or nanny or a family member to look after your kid. You would also need a few extra adjustments on the part of your colleagues and bosses to accommodate your schedule with child(ren). You might have to pick them up from school in the middle of the day or attend a PTA and at such times, ask your colleagues to cover for you.
Many believe that it is slightly easier for single fathers to manage their finances as in a typical Indian society, it is traditionally assumed that men are breadwinners of the family. Nevertheless, it is very important for you to learn to budget your salary to support yours as well as your child’s needs. Teach your kids how money management works, let them know their spending limit in a month.
An experienced single father says that trust is the key factor in a father-child relationship. When you are a single parent, the responsibility to maintain and build that trust is relatively higher. You can start with simple steps like keeping them updated about your whereabouts, especially if you have parted with your partner through a divorce and your child has abandonment issues. You can also let your kid(s) know that you are available for them, whenever they need you.
Overcompensation is never a good thing. Just because one of the parents is missing from the equation, there is no need for you to say ‘yes’ to everything your child asks of you. You can tell them no when they are doing something wrong. You need to be firm with them without being harsh; you balance that equation and you would be a golden dad!
If you are a single father by choice, then you might be well prepared for everything that comes next. But if the responsibility of raising your child as a single father falls on you unexpectedly, then going to therapy can be one of the wisest choices you make. The father of a 7-year-old says that therapy did help him a lot while dealing with the changes in his life which included a divorce and an introduction to single parenthood. Seek help in the form of parenting tips when you need it.
It is a good plan to keep your child informed of his/her mother. If you guys might have separated, or she might have, unfortunately, passed away. Either way, talk to your child about it. Explain why the mother isn’t around. Help them understand how your little family is made up. Train them to proudly answer the questions their peers/friends ask them about your family structure. Of course, wait till your kid develops the emotional maturity to understand these things.
As a father, you can take the best care of your baby girl, but sometimes, she might need a female figure in her life to talk about certain things. She will need a bra or need to talk about her period and at these times, she might find it easier to talk to another woman. Dads, this doesn’t mean that she doesn’t trust you, it simply might be easier for her to talk to someone who goes through the same experiences as her. You could introduce her to a sister or close relative or close friend to guide through these times.
The responsibilities can surely seem overwhelming and difficult to keep up with at times. But a father is every child’s favourite superhero. He/she would love and adore you no matter what. At the end of the day, that’s all it takes to make you feel like it is all worth it. Happy fatherhood, superdads!
February 15, 2021 |
Being a single father could be even more overwhelming but we assure you that, at the same time, it is quite rewarding. You may have confusions regarding if you are doing things right, if you are feeding your baby enough, if they are sleeping enough, when they need to see the doctor, and so on. Taking care of your newborn as a single father may not be easy but we are here to guide you. Here are a few tips and tricks we have compiled for you that would allow you to navigate through the first few months smoothly.
It is absolutely likely to be confused about your baby’s needs. Do not worry, though. Just as mothers are blessed with an inherent motherly instinct, so are fathers with their paternal instinct. After the first few weeks, you’ll discover that you are doing an incredible job!
It is usually advised that newborns be breastfed, however there are other options too! Alternately, you may give your little one an infant formula. Remember to avoid cow milk. If you are unsure about the formula, consult your doctor or your maternity nurse. Newborns need a warm bottle and hence, you would have to check the temperature of the bottle on your wrist before giving it to your baby.
Traditionally, a father was not socially constructed to clean and change a baby’s diaper. However, it’s time to do away with societal gender norms and know that single fathers can do it all too! Believe that you may not get it done overnight but you will get better at it eventually. It takes some time to figure out but try to find out the right brand of diapers for your little one. Moreover, be sure to choose the right powders and lotion, as well. If you have friends or family with kids, you can seek their recommendations or ask them to guide you to put on a diaper. Otherwise, YouTube and Google always come to the rescue of any novice.
Bathing your little sunshine would involve caution and precision. You will have to ensure that the water is just at the right temperature, which is not too hot or not too cold. Remember to support your baby’s head.
You are already doing great, but you will learn that when you seek help, everything will seem much easier. You can seek assistance from a close friend or relatives to guide you. It is not easy to manage housework, a job and a newborn all alone, and you will find that many would be willing to help you out.
Between taking care of your newborn as a single father, being the bread-earner, taking care of the house, you may be flustered and not have enough time to appreciate the little beauty you have. Hence, try to take that time out. Sing to your little angel, play with them, talk to them, let them know that you are always there for them.
Many believe that a child would always need both the parents for stability. It may not be necessarily so. All you need is to be there for your little one, so that their emotional, social and physical needs are met. You can always seek help from your close ones or consult childcare, if available.
One of the advantages of shared parenthood would be the naps. But now, in order to get your share of rest, you must try to sneak in whatever sleep you can manage when your baby naps. You may want to invest in a comfortable bassinet or a baby swing which rocks back and forth gently so that your baby falls into a peaceful dream world while you get a chance to rest your eyes, too.
With taking care of your newborn as a single father and managing everything around you, it may be challenging to give your little one the attention they need from you. Remember, they need you now more than ever and this should be prioritised. Hence, you may want to a have helping hand in managing the other chores. If your profession requires you to travel, ask your family or close ones to help out.
As mentioned before, it can seem daunting in the first few weeks. After the initial blues are over and you fall into a routine, you will find out how great you are at taking care of your newborn baby. Find time for yourself and the things you love regularly. It would help you focus on your mental well-being, as well. You are superdad, we believe in you!
December 24, 2020 |
Parenthood is bliss but only if we had a rulebook, giving us the exact amount of chaotic fun, it brings, it would probably be much easier. Having a partner, may help when it comes to bringing up a child but if you are a single mother, we’re right here with you. It is especially difficult in the first few weeks after your baby is born. Taking care of your newborn as a single mother can be challenging but hey, we are here to make your life easier. Here are a few tips that we compiled for you to get you through everything as smoothly as possible.
First things first, let’s make a list of income and expenses. Take it easy in the first month because that’s when it would be the most overwhelming. The first few weeks of postpartum is meant to be taken on easy. Hence, make sure that you have everything that you would need. Make a budget and keep updating it. You can go old school by using a pen and pad and making tiny, colourful sticky notes or you can switch to an excel sheet. But keeping track of where your money comes from and goes to, is quite important to plan ahead and save.
You can use the nine months of pregnancy to stock up supplies like hair products, skincare and maternity care. Make sure that you have enough supply for at least the next 2-3 months after your little one is born. That would help you to avoid running errands every now and then.
You may even opt for home delivery, given that it is now more convenient than ever. Check out our Product Wiz for the best deals on everything you would need!
Sometimes, it can get too exhausting or overwhelming. You’d need a break and that’s when you would need your close friends and family to help you. Your close ones could babysit, while you take time to delve into that peaceful slumber you have been craving for more than a week. Or you could simply call them up for a movie night with lots of your favourite food.
You’ll know that at times, all you need is just a bucket of your favourite ice-cream and your favourite person (other than your little one) to tell you how well you have been doing and just to chat!
The most important thing to remember is to ask for help when you need it. Be vocal about your needs. You are already doing great but don’t push yourself. You’ll find that many would go out of their way to help you. All you need to do is ask.
Many single moms suggest that joining a club or a group meant for single moms was one of the best help they have got. They would know exactly what you are going through and not only will you find that they are giving out the best advice for new moms, but you may also end up finding a best friend for yourself as well as your baby.
Moms are inherently superwomen. But remember that you need not prove that to anyone. You are already doing great, understand that it is okay to leave a few things be. Being a single mom, you probably try to do everything all together like cooking, cleaning, managing a full-time job and taking care of your newborn.
However, it need not always be so. You can clean the house alternately or have a specific schedule. Additionally, you could create a routine of cleaning one room per day. This would reduce your workload and make time for other things.
Whether being a single mother was your choice or a result of circumstance, you must have questioned yourself on if you are doing things right, if you are giving your little one enough time, if you will be able to provide enough and the list goes on. Finding reasons to feel guilty can be easy but that’s not healthy. Focus on the good, the blessing that your baby is, the dreams you have, if your little sunshine is healthy and loved, and the home of love and laughter that you both share.
You’ll discover that a baby swing is your best friend now, if you haven’t already. Getting a good swing which rocks back and forth gently would keep your little one calm and allow you to get most of your work done, like laundry or taking a shower easily.
The best time to sleep would be when your baby does so. As a single mom, your sleeping schedule would have to depend on your little one as that would be the best time to get the nap you have been wanting. Don’t worry about household chores or getting work done, then. Take that opportunity to rest and give yourself a break. You have most definitely earned it.
Taking care of your newborn as a single mother is no less than the work of a superwoman, which you are! But in the meantime, do not forget to focus on yourself. Do the things you love once in a while and do not forget to make yourself a priority too.
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