February 23, 2021
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Dating can be quite an adventure. Especially when you are dating as a single mother, it brings about a whole range of emotions - anxiety, hope, disappointment, elation. Parenting is already a full time job. Additionally, if you are a single parent, in raising a young child, it becomes doubly so. The thought of dating might have struck your mind. Wondering what that is like? Here are a few strategies that can help you get back out there!
Know if You are Ready
Today, there are more ways than ever to find potential matches for single people. You may be willing to try and date again, but it is understandable if you are also wary about it. There is a possibility of rejection that comes with the process, and has the potential to really test you. Struggling hard to keep your cynicism at bay? Know that there may be a set of reasons why you have chosen to still be single. There may be too many variables at play. Make sure that you are ready for this change, and take a decision that comes out of self love.
Stay Guilt Free
Single parents tend to feel guilty, but know that you do not have to. Dating as a single mother can be by choice, or because of a prior divorce, or widowhood. In any case, guilt may become a constant companion. It is understandable that when you want your child to have the world, you would feel that a partner would make the job easier. Do not feel bad at all for wanting a personal adult life of your own.
Realise that it is a Family You are Thinking About
It is not only a relationship that you may be going to form with a new person, but also may be including them in your family. A family with kids. Assess thoroughly how the potential stepfamily relationship is going to develop in the future (of course after you reach that stage of seriouseness in dating).
Fill Your Kids In
It is best to not associate any moral judgements to wanting to date as a single mother. There is nothing wrong with it, and hence be confident in sharing it with you child. Take your sweet time, but fill them in, whenever you deem fit. It is a slow and gradual process to accept a parental dating relationship. All they need is your reassurance that you love them no matter what, and will forever stick around. Eventually, in time, they are going to learn that including a new person in one’s life does not necessarily mean that affections split up. It might take time, but they will gradually understand and be open to welcoming a new member.
Let Your Date Know About Your Kids
When you are dating as a single mother, it is important to have your date know that you are a mom. Try and find the most appropriate time to do so, preferably over the first date itself. What it does is that it weeds out all dates that do not wish to accommodate children in their new relationship with someone. It will further only help you to not waste your time or invest emotionally. There is no need whatsoever for long descriptions, but rather a simple conversation where they feel comfortable in asking questions to you too.
Thoroughly Understand a Potential Partner
Get the child involved in this process only once you are sure that the potential match has over time, earned your trust. Take time to know them, their personality. Do a background check if possible. Under no circumstances should you be putting yourself or your child(ren) into any kind of risk.
Find the Right Time to Introduce the Kid with Your Date
When is the right time for your child and your date to meet? It is a common question many single mothers wrestle with. Give the relationship a significant amount of time to undergo a natural flow of ups and downs. Allow it to grow and let it reach a point where there is comfort in the idea of seeing the two parties meet.
Do Not Bother Yourself With the Moral Police
There is no need for you to think about what the society or people around you might say. That also does not mean that you stop to seek advice, but know that you must overlook any kind of moral judgements people might pass casually. You know what you are doing, and why you are doing it. You are the best judge for yourself. Say bye bye to the moral police! You are going to do just fine, and we are sure of it. Happy dating!