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Adoption

Emotions During Adoption: When You’re an Adoptive Parent

You may be feeling mixed emotions while adopting your child. Here are possible explanations of what you may be feeling as an adoptive parent and why.

Whether you are biological parents or adoptive parents, parenthood is one of the greatest joys of life. There is also a plethora of emotions you experience as new parents. As adoptive parents, your emotions during adoption may be slightly different than those of biological ones. We have tried to list some of them down for you.

 

 

Emotional rollercoaster

Beginning Blues

After making the decision to adopt, it is a journey till you bring your baby home. Initially, it might all seem a little overwhelming and intense. You might experience some stress, anxiety and wonder if you are really ready for this responsibility. You might even feel a little scared about all the legal and social hurdles ahead. There is only one thing to do, educate yourself as much as you can about the subjects. When you educate yourself on a certain topic, you will feel less afraid of it. 

 

Home and Background Checks

This particular phase is of varied emotions during adoption. You would be eager to present yourself as perfect parents for the future baby and your home as the ideal place for a child to grow up in. But these efforts can be exhausting, both physically and mentally. Besides, you also need to have a lot of documents for verification purposes. At times, if the process is taking too long, you might feel frustrated while arranging everything to a near perfect state. When that happens, take three deep breaths and remember you are doing it all for your beautiful child.

 

Complex Relationship with Birth Mother

The birth mother becomes the most important person in your lives from the first interview till she hands over the baby to you. Along the way, you might experience some anxiety thinking if she might change her mind at any stage. Post birth, you might feel some guilt for taking her baby away from her. While emotions during adoption aren’t entirely in our control, try reminding yourself that you two and the birth mother have taken a decision which is right for all of you after several rounds of communication. It is alright for you to take your baby home.

 

Post Adoption Depression

All this while, you were so excited, so worried, so eager to bring your baby home. As mentioned before, the process might’ve gotten a little exhausting. As a result, when the big moment is finally here, few parents might feel a little low. This may be similar to postpartum depression. The new responsibilities, constant work, sleeplessness nights might contribute to it. For most, these feelings fade away after a while. But if these feelings are persistent, and you recognise the feelings are interfering with your childcare, then consult a therapist. 

 

Identity Crisis

After bringing your little sweetheart home, it’s okay if you immediately don’t feel like a parent. Despite years of preparation, you might still not feel entitled to be your child’s parents. You might question yourselves if your parenthood is the same as biological parenthood - the answer is yes. It might take some time to convince yourself , but as days go by, the parental instinct will naturally take over you. You might also experience a Eureka moment when your child is doing the simplest thing and you suddenly realise how all of you are a beautiful family.

 

Bonding Troubles

This one specifically applies to the mothers. While some mothers form an instant connection and bond with the baby, some mothers might take more time. But remember, every human being is different and so are our emotions. There will also be moments when you wonder if he/she is missing their birth mother. For instance, when they are crying nonstop and you are having a hard time soothing them. These feelings will definitely pass as time goes by and soon you would understand every cry and moan of your little one.

 

How to Handle Your Emotions Better?

  • You need to accept that emotions are a part of every human being. It is okay to feel all your emotions during adoption. Just let yourself go through all the emotions and don’t feel guilty of it even for a minute. Acceptance is the first step. 

  • You don’t have to go through this alone. you can rely on your close family and friends for the support you need. There are also a lot of support groups out there for adoptive parents, join one. Talk to other adoptive parents. Therapy and counselling are very important during this process. Don’t forget to consult an expert!

  • Remember: You are aware of the purpose you are doing all this - to be a parent. To bring up a child, to build your family. The highest highs and the lowest lows are all worth the joy of parenthood. Remind yourself that whenever you need some positive reinforcement. You can also note down these points somewhere and look at it every time you are feeling low.

  • Knowledge really is power, especially at times like these. It is always good to be aware of all the steps and obstacles along the way. Prepare yourself well for the background checks and interviews. Shop for items which are necessary for the baby before you take him/her home. Read more and communicate with the right people to make this journey as smooth as possible.

 

With all these tips and guides, what matters the most is you two being each other’s support systems. Remember, both of you are team baby and once your precious angel is home you all would be a beautiful, loving family.

 

December 22, 2020 |  read

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Adoption

Adoption in India

Adopting a child is a beautiful journey. Here‘s everything you need to know about adoption in India and the laws and processes related to adoption in India.

Do you know what the law says about adoption? Well, let’s start with the ancient law of adoption, known as the Hindu law, which by the way, was the only law in India that allowed the adoption of orphaned children. Under this law, the adopted child had rights equivalent to that of a natural-born. This was because according to the ancient religious customs a son is spiritual and material welfare to a family. But this letter of the law was a bit complicated and held barriers based on gender and caste in society. Today we have a more re-defined law and order for the process of adoption. Let’s take a look at it.

 

Prepping for child’s arrival

Adopting a child is similar to the birth of a child in your family. After all the paperwork and court proceedings that you have gone through, you begin to prepare your home and finances for the upbringing of a child. There are adoption counsellors who can guide you best with these preparations. They will provide you with a list of do’s and don’ts that will help you get in order.
 

While the waiting process is never-ending, there are some fun things that you and your partner can get done to cool your nervous system. Explore child care measures from books and other parents with babies. You can also choose baby names and talk to other adoptive parents for more in-hand experiences. You can even try reaching out to them on our community platform. 

 

Prep the baby room and shop for baby clothes and products. While you make these changes in your life, don’t forget to spend quality time with yourself and your partner. Track your thoughts and support each other during these times. It will help build a closer relationship as the baby arrives home.  

 

Hindu Adoption and Maintenance Act, 1956:

Today’s modern society called for a lot of changes from the ancient Hindu Law. The Hindu Adoption and Maintenance Act, 1956 allows a person to adopt a child irrespective of their gender or marital status. But the court holds limitations for a male parent to adopt a girl child. While there are a few extra regulations, the law also allows adoption not only for Indians, but also NRIs and foreign citizens.

 

The evolution and progress of our institutions and society, today, the Hindu Adoption and Maintenance Act, 1956 (also called as HAMA) has broken down a lot of barriers otherwise enforced by the old Hindu law. Section 7 and 8 under the HAMA rule defines the eligibility criteria for both genders to adopt a child.

 

Process of adoption under HAMA

The applicant should register with the Child Welfare Agency through an Adoption Coordinating Agency (ACA). These sources are found in each state capital. They can also go through agencies that are certified by the Central Adoption Resource Agency (CARA). There will be a set of interviews and processes that look into the intention and motivation of the parents behind the adoption.

 

Once they are shortlisted, a court hearing takes place regarding the adoption. Once the court issues the decree, the adoption is finalized.

 

Juvenile Justice Act, 2015

This legal letter allows a couple or a single parent to adopt a child, an orphan, abandoned or surrendered child. However, this law is very different with respect to the HAMA law. The Juvenile Justice Act, 2015 is very secular in nature, i.e. it is not specific to the Hindu community. The Child Welfare Committee can legally allow a child up to the age of 18 to be adopted by a parent.

 

Since the law is not very gender-specific, the eligibility of the parent or parents is common to both male and female. According to this law, parents or individuals should be mentally fit and financially stable. They have to be motivated to adopt and provide everything for his/her upbringing. For couples, the consent of both the parents is mandatory and should also hold two years of stable marriage relationship. However, this law also does not allow a single man to adopt a girl child.

 

The age of prospective parents is taken into consideration when they adopt a child of a particular age. The minimum age difference between the two should not be less than 25 years. Also, the law holds a barrier for couples who have three children. Under these circumstances, only the adoption of children with special needs is taken into consideration.

 

Process of Adoption under Juvenile Justice Act, 2015

The parent(s) should register with the Adoption Coordinating Agency or with the State Adoption Cell. Following this process, a Home Study report is prepared by a social worker who will come interview you, your family members and other financial orders of business. This process also includes a rigorous counselling session that prepares you to be a supportive parent to your adopted child.

 

Once your Home Study report is accepted the agency connects you with children who are admitted to be legally adopted. If the child is above the age of 6, then a written and verbal consent will be obtained. After the successful matching, a petition is filed in court to obtain the necessary orders.

 

 

Over the years, there have been many attempts that have been made to bring about a change in these two laws in the system. The attempts hope to bring about uniformity between these two letters of the law. The process of adoption is a ray of hope to people and children everywhere. Legal formalities are just a part of the system to ensure security for the child and the parents. 

December 17, 2020 |  read

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Adoption

Child Adoption in India: Are You Ready?

Adoption is about unconditional love and creating a beautiful bond. Read more for everything you need to know about adoption in India.

What is adoption?

Adoption is the legal process which allows you as an individual or a couple to have parental rights of a child even if they are not related by blood. Adoptive parents would have the same rights as that of biological parents while the adopted child would have the same legal, emotional, social and kinship benefits that a biological child would have. Here is what you need to know about child adoption in India.

 

India is open to adoption by resident, non-resident Indians as well as foreigners living in India or abroad. Relatives or step-parents are allowed to adopt a child as well. All adoption guidelines in India are governed by the Central Adoption Resource Authority or CARA. 

 

Which children are allowed for adoption?

A child could be an orphan or abandoned or surrendered on birth and have entered the orphanage. However, adoption from an orphanage is possible only when the child is declared legally free for adoption by the Child Welfare Committee. Usually, in India, children between the age of 6 months and 14 years are referred and applicants are required to be open to children with identified needs. 

 

Eligibility for adoptive parents:

There are certain guidelines pertaining to adoption in CARA but the basic eligibility criteria include:

  • Single or married heterosexual couples who have been married for at least two years and have a stable relationship.
  • The composite age of a couple should not be more than 90 years while as a single parent, an individual of 25-55 years of age is allowed to adopt.
  • The individual or the couple ought to be physically, mentally and emotionally stable and financially capable.
  • Couples with three or more children, either adopted or biological are not allowed to adopt further.

 

In the case of foreign nationals or NRIs, at least one of the prospective adoptive parents must be able to visit India for not less than 10-14 days. This would include meeting the matched child and completing the legal process along with finalizing VISA processing. 

 

What are the steps related to adoption?

After you are well versed with what adoption is and have ticked off everything on the checklist of eligibility, now you have the bigger question in your bucket. How do I adopt?

 

Well, contrary to popular belief, it is quite a simple and easy process. Let us break it down for you:

 

  • First, you register with the CARA through their official website: cara.nic.in
  • Second, you would be asked to fill out forms and upload the required documents which shall include selecting your preferred Specialized Adoption Agency and a place of residence for the authorities to conduct a thorough home-study.
  • The report of the home-study conducted by the social worker would be valid for three years if aptness is confirmed.
  • Next, you would be given the referrals of children who are eligible for adoption. You ought to make a decision within 48 hours after being referred.
  • An appointment is set to match the prospective adoptive parents with a suitable child. And there! If everything goes well, be ready to hear that cute ‘mama’ or ‘dada’.
  • The average duration for child adoption in India for the entire process to be completed would be 18-24 months.

 

How do you know if you are ready?

Well, there is no perfect time for anything but when it comes to taking responsibility for a child, you must know if you are ready.

 

  • First, make sure your finances are in place. You need not be particularly wealthy, but you ought to be confident of whether you can take care of a child until he/she is able to do so on their own. Raising a child can be expensive and you should very well be stable enough to do so.

 

  • Second, check where you stand emotionally. Ask yourself if you are ready to accept and put the child’s needs before your own. This does not mean excessive pampering. An adopted child may have gone through a lot of emotional trauma and attachment issues, be it at an orphanage or a foster care. Unfortunately, prior trauma or abuse is not uncommon either and hence; you must be able to provide emotional stability, support and care  as well. 

 

  • In case you have biological children, let them know what you are planning and have conversations on if they are willing to accept it. Make sure that your entire family is ready to welcome this change.  And more importantly, remember never to compare your adopted child with your biological child. Your adopted child may be from a different race or ethnicity and it is important to welcome them as they are.

 

  • Have conversations with family and friends and seek their support. After all, this moment is something you would want to celebrate and share with your close ones.

 

  • Make sure that your partner and you see eye-to-eye on the major parenting styles such as what religion you would want the child to follow or aspects such as their schooling and disciplinary issues - to name a few. 

 

 

Now that you know what to expect and the procedures involved in child adoption in India, go ahead and plan the welcoming of your child. Remember, adoption is simply not just about having a child but about being a family, having unconditional love and creating a beautiful bond.

 

December 24, 2020 |  read

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Adoption

Issues that Could Arise with Adoption

This article discusses the legal, financial and emotional challenges you might face while adopting, as well as ways to overcome these challenges.

As Richard Bach once said, “The bond that links your family is not one in blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” Adoption creates an impact on both the family and the child. The goal of adoption is to place children in safe and improved institutions.

 

Emotional Challenges

As adolescents, emotional bonds are very challenging to break through. Therefore, parents take great care to listen and watch over their children to try and connect with their understanding of life from their point of view. Children are always in search of their identity and this leads to finding attachments that are relatable to them. Children also tend to portray the sense of grief and loss through other emotional quotients like anger, denial anxiety and fear. The process of adoption can change their perspectives especially as they move from their institution to a new adoptive family. Both the parents and the child turn their focus on building a relationship which will help them to stay connected as one family unit. This comes with sacrifice, incorporating certain changes and understanding. Counsellors can help guide families to achieve a positive psychological balance within the family.

 

Adoptions counsellors initiate the process by trying to understand the intention of the parent(s) for adoption. The process of adoption is still stigmatised in many parts of the country as some communities and societies find it difficult to understand. These social constraints affect both the parents and the adopted child during their growth together. Hence, counsellors guide parents on how to overcome these challenges along with their child. Parents are trained to speak openly about the process of their adoption with their child and other members of the community so that they can shed a positive light on the subject. This also helps the child to boost his/her confidence to build a sense of identity as they grow within the community. 

   

Money, Mind Challenges 

Money is a constant constraint when it comes to the process of adoption. Indian adoption laws require the family or parent to provide the necessary documents before the court that states their wealth and income. The courts need proof to show that the adoption process can support the child to grow and develop and that the family has the capability for upbringing the child.

 

If the family intends to adopt with the help of a private agency, they still have to pay a significant amount of money to the agency to complete the process successfully. There is a large sum difference between public and government agencies. As a parent, it is always best to do some research and talk to experienced people to try and understand the different scenarios in India. In addition to this, once the process begins you should also expect extra charges such as the lawyer’s fee and court processes that might come along the way. Communicate all these charges and extra charges with your agency before you commit to this process. The legal system of adoption in India is quite time-consuming and you have to be very patient.

 

Since adoption in India is often considered as a ‘closed adoption,’ parents get very little information of the child’s prior health conditions. It is nearly impossible to access the medical background of a child. Even in an ‘open adoption’ procedure, the absence of the birth parents may not help us to get complete information. Hence, as parents to the adopted child, you have to rely on the adoption agency to give you as much information as possible. This lack of information regarding the health conditions of the child may cause problems in the future, especially when both parents are working and have to care for the child. In order to avoid such complications, be fearless to question your agency regarding every question you may have about your child.

 

Legal Challenges

Law by nature is long and complicated not only in India, but also across the globe. In India, adoption comes under three specific laws- Hindu Adoption and Maintenance Act 1956, The Guardians and Ward Act 1860 and Juvenile Justice (Care and Protection) Act 2000. These laws have been evolved over time based on different aspects that currently exist in modern India.

 

Religion, gender and nationality are a few initial important points that are taken into consideration by the legal system. The system might be long but there is a lot of help provided by the government and private agencies that can help families to comprehend and successfully complete their adoption procedures.

 

How to Overcome These Challenges

Communication is a very important aspect in the process of adoption. Be supportive of your child and have a good conversation with him/her. It will also help you to get the right support from other sources. Communication can always bridge a gap between parties and solve a lot of problems.

 

 

Focus on building relationships with your child. You can try and connect with his/her past experiences, parents or any other information you receive from your counsellors. Let them make their own age-appropriate choices. This will help the child to feel more comfortable to grow in a different and caring environment.

 

December 23, 2020 |  read

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IVF

How to Move on from Failed IVF

Wondering why IVF isn't working for you? This article discusses the reasons why IVF may not work and what to do next.

The treatment of in-vitro fertilisation begins with the hopes of building a family one step at a time. Couples come to this procedure when they face infertility issues over the past few years and dream of giving birth to a baby. These soon-to-be parents are exhausted and struggling and turn to the option of IVF. With this little hope in life, this technique has proved successful in the majority. However, things don’t always go according to the plan and it’s possible you may have a failed IVF. Let’s take a closer look at what may have happened and how to move on from failed IVF.

 

The medical procedure of IVF allows the sperm and the egg to be combined in a dish by an infertility specialist or endocrinologist. This is then inserted into the womb through the pelvic cavity. The technique should guide the embryo to be inseminated in the walls of the uterus that will develop into a baby. Celebrity cook and model, Chrissy Teigen hit the headlines sometime around 2016 because she claimed to choose the sex of the baby during the procedure of IVF. In many parts of the world, IVF can help choose the sex of the baby you want. The procedure of IVF itself is quite expensive and such medical treatment can also top up the hospital charges.

 

With all said and done, some things often go out of the plan we have in our heads. Here are a few pointers that will give a picture of these unfortunate scenarios.

 

Why did it not work?

Every doctor in the country will initially state out the various ways in which this technique could lead to failure. This is honesty not to discourage you, but they simply want to give you the reality of the big picture. Success stories of IVF pregnancies depend on probability. Other unfortunate couples go through a lot of pain and grief due to their failed IVF procedure.

 

Research has many factors that are seen to understand the failure of IVF. One such problem is the embryo’s inability to stay within the uterus linings. Doctors also choose the best quality of the embryos that have to be inserted into the uterus. The age of the partners is also very important when considering IVF as an option. Case studies show that women above the age of 35 have very slim chances of a successful IVF transmission

 

IVF also calls out on the type of lifestyle that has been followed until the process of combining the sperm and egg. Social drugs, alcohol and cigarettes can be a hindrance to this procedure.  

 

Trying again, just one more time...

Doctors always push their patients to try the method of IVF to get pregnant three times in a row. After these three attempts, they are discouraged to go on further. Well, how to move on from failed IVF in this instance? Start by looking out for other problems in the system.

 

There are many other alternative methods to get pregnant that are suggested by doctors. The treatment of IVF is considered to be very expensive and hence, cannot be affordable to try many times. Yet, some parents keep on trying. Treatments like surrogacy, IUI and adoption are some of the other ways that you can try to start a family.  

 

Before you go into another round of injections, shots and other procedures, you should get yourself and your partner scanned and tested for any genetic or chromosomal issues that refuse the treatment. Just like the age of the couple, these things are also to be considered. A quick assessment of the previous cycle can also give you a clear picture of what could be changed before another round of medical procedures.  

  

In these stages, most couples have a very difficult time making the right decision. It is a very personal family matter between hopeful parents. Before you decide on this matter, pause for a while to look back at the journey to this very point. Both you and your partner should be comfortable to go through this all over again. Fear not to ask your doctor any kind of questions regarding this technique.

 

The support system

After this long and exhausting journey of numerous medications, a failed IVF treatment result could bring down a whole family.

 

Stay strong and don’t give up. Keep looking into other methods of getting pregnant. Get tested, have a good conversation with your doctors and caregivers about the root cause of the problem. To keep a stable mind, seek out help from counsellors. Things like this can be too hard on the family but talking it out at support groups can help you to listen and connect with stories with similar experiences. This way you will not feel lonely during this period of grief.

 

 

Be determined to not let go of the idea of building your own family. On this note, if this treatment doesn’t support your system, be open to other options. There isn’t one single way as to how to move on from failed IVF. There are a lot of resources out there that can help you find the right path.

 

December 24, 2020 |  read

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Adoption

Narrating the Adoption Story

When and how should you tell your child he/she is adopted? Here's everything you need to know before you tell your child about his/her adoption.

The journey of adoption is different from one family to the other. As you decide to go through this process you will be supported by counselors and care groups, that will help you to deal with the situation for the future of your family. You will need this support system to be guided through the different aspects of bringing up your adopted child. Nobody has been an expert in this area, so don’t feel shy to seek help whenever you require it. You need this support as much as your child needs you. Let’s look at a few concepts that most parents deal with.

 

 

Finding the right moment to tell your child

Many personal accounts quote that they told their child about their adoption when they were in the ages of 6-8 years old. They say that their expert sources and adoption counsellors suggest the same time period too. Even if you introduce the word to children, they may not be able to grasp its complete understanding at younger ages of 2-4 years.

 

One mother recalls her experience with this process. She waited for her daughter’s elaborate Barbie-themed birthday party to break the news of her adoption. Narrating the adoption story will help the child to understand how his/her birth took place. Whether adopted or not, children should understand the concept that the adoption came after birth.

 

Demystify the word the term adoption

From a very young age, children tend to imitate and reciprocate to their parents’ language styles. Hence, it is very important to choose the right way to communicate around them.

 

Many adoption workers advise parents to introduce the word "adoption" as early as possible so that it becomes a comfortable part of a child's vocabulary.

 

When it comes to adopted children, the term ‘adoption’ should not be ignored at all. Child welfare experts suggest that it has to be portrayed in a very positive tone and must be discussed around the family table. This strategy of communication can be used even before you tell the child about his/her history.

 

You can include the word ‘adopt’ or ‘adoption’ in stories and other forms of narratives with happy endings. You can be a little creative and cautious at the same time. Your adoption counselors can lead you with great examples. While you do work around this exercise, also remember not to force it into your routine. Try to break into the subject at a gradual pace. For instance, you can bring one story in a week that is easily comprehensible to the child, especially when he/she is alert.

 

Let history remain as it does

The process of adoption does not rub away the child’s history. We have to remember that the birth parents of the child are still in the big picture. It is not right to simply ignore their existence even in their absence of the child’s growth. As adoptive parents, it is a great responsibility to try and simplify the relationship between your child and his/her birth parents. You can overcome this challenge by trying to speak about their birth parents with confidence and love.

 

Birth parents are a part of your child’s life - whether you choose to keep it open, closed, or even if you have very little information about them. You should remember that they are the reason you have your child. At no circumstances should you criticize or ignore the presence of birth parents. During the period of adoption, you may/may not get all the access to the information of the birth parents. Never lie to your child about his/her birth parents. If you think it is too much information for them to take in at one go, be patient and break out the information over a period of time. Bring out the easy ones first before you dive into the hard part of the story.

 

The Q&A session

Lend your ears to their questions at all times. This is an open-ended process. It goes back and forth, day in and day out. Never expect children so young to understand everything that you tell them at once. Be composed and confident when you respond to their queries. Some parents find it hard to keep a straight face when they have to answer uncomfortable questions. One method to overcome this challenge is by talking about it to your partner or adoption counselors. They can advise and correct your gestures and words when facing your child.

 

Children’s curiosity only grows bigger and bigger as their days go by. Giving false information about any detail will raise a red flag in the future. If you think you cannot answer them at that moment or it is too difficult to answer them at that moment, you can lovingly tell them that you will get back to them as soon as possible.

    

If your adopted child is of a different race or has very different physical features from your family, you must be cognizant of signs that he or she is aware of the difference. Your child may have noticed it, or someone else may have commented on it. You will want to explain to your child that the birth process is the same for everyone but acknowledge that people in different cultures have distinguishing physical features and their own rich heritage. Sometimes children who look different from the rest of their family need to be assured that their parents love them. 

 

Children will also portray a range of emotions of different kinds. Do not be surprised by their reactions to their adoption story. For instance, some children immediately react by portraying hatred towards their birth parents. In such cases, we have to correct their way of thinking. We have to give them the freedom to express their range of thoughts. 

 

 

Adoption story is not a one-time narrative. Remember that things like this will never leave their mind. There can be outside sources like a conversation with friends that can trigger this subject once again. When narrating this story, it also instils a sense of confidence within them. Teach them to be brave when other people discuss things such as adoption in public.

 

December 23, 2020 |  read

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Surrogacy

General Questions and Myths about Surrogacy

Doubts and questions about surrogacy? Look no further, here are the answers to all your questions on surrogacy.

Hello there! By now you may have done a lot of research about Artificial Reproductive Techniques (ART) and have a good deal of knowledge about them. If yes, surrogacy must have definitely popped up in your research. Despite all the knowledge you have, there might still be some doubts. That comment your friend passed or a question a nosy neighbour asked might have raised these doubts. Don’t worry, we will walk  you through some of those common doubts and questions you might have about surrogacy and also as a bonus, bust some myths along the way.

 

FAQs

Is surrogacy legal in India?

Yes, gestational surrogacy is legal in India; commercial surrogacy, however, is banned. Gestational surrogacy refers to the process in which the surrogate carries an embryo which is conceived by the sperm and egg of the intended parents. There are also provisions to have a surrogate from a different state within the country.

 

Why choose surrogacy over adoption?

The waiting period for an adoption can range anywhere from 18 - 24 months. Despite the wait, there are chances of birth mothers changing their mind after delivery and keeping their babies. This might be devastating for the intended parents who have formed a bond with the baby and are waiting to take him/her home. The process of adoption is also expensive and time consuming with no guarantees. Thus, you must evaluate your needs based on circumstances, time and expenses and decide which of the two is a better fit for you.

 

Do we have to go through a screening process?

Yes. You, as a couple need to take psychological counselling to be sure about the process. You will be explained about the process and all the necessary implications to prepare you for it. Once the medical screening is done, you would need to sign a contract with the surrogate and her husband/guardian to make it legal. You should also ensure medical and social care for the surrogate.

 

How to choose a surrogate?

You have to ensure that the surrogate is within the age limit of 21-35. Ensure your agency does a background check to know her personal history, her family’s background and history and her health profile. It is necessary for her to have had a healthy pregnancy before. She and her husband (if she is married) should be screened for STDs and other infectious diseases like HIV, Hepatitis B&C. Other medical tests like pelvic sonography and uterine receptivity should be performed and if the results come out as expected, you can go ahead to sign your contract.

 

How much does it cost?

As of 2020, the surrogacy treatment in India might cost you anywhere between INR 9 – 15 lakhs, the average amount being INR 10 lakhs. This is usually the cost of the entire package which might involve fees, legal fees, surrogate work up, delivery charges, surrogate’s compensation, insemination and IVF costs and some more or less depending on your agency. The cost will definitely differ from state to state and agency to agency

 

How long would the process be?

After you select your agency, it might take around 15-20 days to select and evaluate your surrogate. Post that, the treatment might take around 15 days. Results can be observed 12-15 days after the treatment.

 

 

The myths 

Myth: Intended parents cannot bond with the baby

You can start bonding with your baby right from the gestation period by talking to them in the womb. Also, once your tiny wonder makes their entrance, they will be handed over to you. It is you who will feed them, nurture them and constantly be there with them from that moment onwards. Hence, your bond with the baby would be an unbreakable one.

 

Myth: Surrogates are all about money

This isn’t true. In many cases surrogates do it to contribute to the happiness of a couple by giving them a baby. They mostly do it to spread positivity and give the gift of parenthood to couples who aren’t privileged to have a baby by themselves. 

 

Myth: The surrogate might not / have trouble giving up the baby

There is no way a surrogate won’t hand over the baby to you as she is legally bound to give you the baby. It is highly unlikely that she will have trouble while doing so as she enters the contract fully aware that the baby isn’t hers. Besides, she already has her own baby. She knows that she is like a babysitter for you two until the baby is born.

 

Myth: The baby might look like the surrogate mother

As the genetic factors which make your baby (sperm and egg) are derived from you and your partner (intended parents), the surrogate’s DNA will not be passed on to the baby in gestational surrogacy. Thus, your baby will not have the physical or mental traits of the surrogate mother.

 

Myth: Surrogacy always results in multiple births

This is not a hard and fast rule. It depends on how many embryos are transferred into the surrogate’s womb. Usually, not more than two embryos are transferred to minimize the risks of multiple pregnancies. There are also chances of her carrying just one baby despite having multiple embryos transferred.

 

 

We hope this article has cleared a lot of doubts on your mind and provided you with information about surrogacy. Don’t forget to discuss with your doctor before choosing your agency. You are now one step closer to your dream of parenting.

 

December 24, 2020 |  read

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Surrogacy

Surrogacy and Emotions: How to Handle it All

You may be feeling mixed emotions during surrogacy, but you are not alone. These are some steps that will help you understand and manage your emotions during surrogacy.

It is a long journey when you are waiting to become parents, especially when there are struggles with infertility involved. If this is something you are experiencing, know that you are not alone in this - many couples experience infertility. However, there are many options for you to become a parent like you have always dreamed! Through IVF, or assisted reproductive technology, or adoption, or surrogacy, whichever the case may be - you are not far from bringing a baby into your life. During this process, there may be many emotions and sentiments you could be feeling - and it is best when they are addressed. 

 

The first step to move forward and advance into the next stage is to cope with your infertility. While sometimes it may get difficult, it is essential to build this journey with a positive outlook. If the emotional (and of course, physical) effects of your struggle of infertility are left unattended and unchecked, they could start affecting other parts of your life. We have put together some tips on how you can manage your emotions during the surrogacy process to aid your dreams of becoming a parent.

 

 

Infertility: Some Tips on Acceptance and Self-care

  • Acknowledging One’s Feelings

Acceptance is the key to dealing with infertility, instead of simply pretending that it does not come in the way of your emotions. It is very natural to feel a certain sense of grief or feel at loss to not be able to bear a child on your own, but in accepting and expressing your feelings, you can let go of all societal pressures and other emotional distress. Acceptance is the first step to dealing with trying circumstances. 

 

  • Communicate Honestly With Your Partner (or close ones) 

If there is anyone you should go through this emotional journey with, it is your partner. They can be very important people to help you overcome certain thoughts, sentiments. Share what you feel. They can make your best personal therapist, whom you can trust completely. If not, do not shy away from seeking help from a therapist or counsellor. Reach out to close ones too! Give them a chance to help you deal with this in the most positive way possible – and you won’t feel alone through this process. 

 

  • Do Not Blame Yourself 

It is not you, but a combination of genetics and circumstances. Do not be so hard on yourself. Things might seem to be difficult at this time, but eventually it will only be in the distant past, so try and take time out for yourself. Indulge in self care, and stay hopeful and positive.

 

 

The Surrogacy Journey As The Intended Parent : How to be Fully Involved

Along the way, you might come across some unique challenges, as well as a lot of joys. As an intended parent, there is a plethora of emotions you are very much likely to feel, towards this road to parenthood. One such obstacle could be the feeling of jealousy, especially as an intended mother. While what you might be feeling is completely natural, and has come to you unannounced, here are a few ways you can handle these emotions:

 

  • Bonding with the Surrogate Mother

To desire a connection with the baby bump is completely natural. To be able to do that, try and understand the surrogate mother, and establish a bond with her. Fill her in in general conversations about motherhood, how you feel. Do not let your desire to connect with the baby bump manifest itself in the shape of feelings of jealousy.

 

  • Engage in the Ideal Conversation 

Your family, relatives and friends may ask many questions revolving around the process of surrogacy. While they might arise out of genuine care, you would want to set certain boundaries, and that is okay. An ideal conversation about it is one you are comfortable with. It is okay to keep some feelings private and draw a line. Let them, however, provide you with the encouragement and support you need

 

December 24, 2020 |  read

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