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Adoption

Emotions During Adoption: When You’re an Adoptive Parent

You may be feeling mixed emotions while adopting your child. Here are possible explanations of what you may be feeling as an adoptive parent and why.

Whether you are biological parents or adoptive parents, parenthood is one of the greatest joys of life. There is also a plethora of emotions you experience as new parents. As adoptive parents, your emotions during adoption may be slightly different than those of biological ones. We have tried to list some of them down for you.

 

 

Emotional rollercoaster

Beginning Blues

After making the decision to adopt, it is a journey till you bring your baby home. Initially, it might all seem a little overwhelming and intense. You might experience some stress, anxiety and wonder if you are really ready for this responsibility. You might even feel a little scared about all the legal and social hurdles ahead. There is only one thing to do, educate yourself as much as you can about the subjects. When you educate yourself on a certain topic, you will feel less afraid of it. 

 

Home and Background Checks

This particular phase is of varied emotions during adoption. You would be eager to present yourself as perfect parents for the future baby and your home as the ideal place for a child to grow up in. But these efforts can be exhausting, both physically and mentally. Besides, you also need to have a lot of documents for verification purposes. At times, if the process is taking too long, you might feel frustrated while arranging everything to a near perfect state. When that happens, take three deep breaths and remember you are doing it all for your beautiful child.

 

Complex Relationship with Birth Mother

The birth mother becomes the most important person in your lives from the first interview till she hands over the baby to you. Along the way, you might experience some anxiety thinking if she might change her mind at any stage. Post birth, you might feel some guilt for taking her baby away from her. While emotions during adoption aren’t entirely in our control, try reminding yourself that you two and the birth mother have taken a decision which is right for all of you after several rounds of communication. It is alright for you to take your baby home.

 

Post Adoption Depression

All this while, you were so excited, so worried, so eager to bring your baby home. As mentioned before, the process might’ve gotten a little exhausting. As a result, when the big moment is finally here, few parents might feel a little low. This may be similar to postpartum depression. The new responsibilities, constant work, sleeplessness nights might contribute to it. For most, these feelings fade away after a while. But if these feelings are persistent, and you recognise the feelings are interfering with your childcare, then consult a therapist. 

 

Identity Crisis

After bringing your little sweetheart home, it’s okay if you immediately don’t feel like a parent. Despite years of preparation, you might still not feel entitled to be your child’s parents. You might question yourselves if your parenthood is the same as biological parenthood - the answer is yes. It might take some time to convince yourself , but as days go by, the parental instinct will naturally take over you. You might also experience a Eureka moment when your child is doing the simplest thing and you suddenly realise how all of you are a beautiful family.

 

Bonding Troubles

This one specifically applies to the mothers. While some mothers form an instant connection and bond with the baby, some mothers might take more time. But remember, every human being is different and so are our emotions. There will also be moments when you wonder if he/she is missing their birth mother. For instance, when they are crying nonstop and you are having a hard time soothing them. These feelings will definitely pass as time goes by and soon you would understand every cry and moan of your little one.

 

How to Handle Your Emotions Better?

  • You need to accept that emotions are a part of every human being. It is okay to feel all your emotions during adoption. Just let yourself go through all the emotions and don’t feel guilty of it even for a minute. Acceptance is the first step. 

  • You don’t have to go through this alone. you can rely on your close family and friends for the support you need. There are also a lot of support groups out there for adoptive parents, join one. Talk to other adoptive parents. Therapy and counselling are very important during this process. Don’t forget to consult an expert!

  • Remember: You are aware of the purpose you are doing all this - to be a parent. To bring up a child, to build your family. The highest highs and the lowest lows are all worth the joy of parenthood. Remind yourself that whenever you need some positive reinforcement. You can also note down these points somewhere and look at it every time you are feeling low.

  • Knowledge really is power, especially at times like these. It is always good to be aware of all the steps and obstacles along the way. Prepare yourself well for the background checks and interviews. Shop for items which are necessary for the baby before you take him/her home. Read more and communicate with the right people to make this journey as smooth as possible.

 

With all these tips and guides, what matters the most is you two being each other’s support systems. Remember, both of you are team baby and once your precious angel is home you all would be a beautiful, loving family.

 

December 22, 2020 |  read

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Adoption

Child Adoption in India: Are You Ready?

Adoption is about unconditional love and creating a beautiful bond. Read more for everything you need to know about adoption in India.

What is adoption?

Adoption is the legal process which allows you as an individual or a couple to have parental rights of a child even if they are not related by blood. Adoptive parents would have the same rights as that of biological parents while the adopted child would have the same legal, emotional, social and kinship benefits that a biological child would have. Here is what you need to know about child adoption in India.

 

India is open to adoption by resident, non-resident Indians as well as foreigners living in India or abroad. Relatives or step-parents are allowed to adopt a child as well. All adoption guidelines in India are governed by the Central Adoption Resource Authority or CARA. 

 

Which children are allowed for adoption?

A child could be an orphan or abandoned or surrendered on birth and have entered the orphanage. However, adoption from an orphanage is possible only when the child is declared legally free for adoption by the Child Welfare Committee. Usually, in India, children between the age of 6 months and 14 years are referred and applicants are required to be open to children with identified needs. 

 

Eligibility for adoptive parents:

There are certain guidelines pertaining to adoption in CARA but the basic eligibility criteria include:

  • Single or married heterosexual couples who have been married for at least two years and have a stable relationship.
  • The composite age of a couple should not be more than 90 years while as a single parent, an individual of 25-55 years of age is allowed to adopt.
  • The individual or the couple ought to be physically, mentally and emotionally stable and financially capable.
  • Couples with three or more children, either adopted or biological are not allowed to adopt further.

 

In the case of foreign nationals or NRIs, at least one of the prospective adoptive parents must be able to visit India for not less than 10-14 days. This would include meeting the matched child and completing the legal process along with finalizing VISA processing. 

 

What are the steps related to adoption?

After you are well versed with what adoption is and have ticked off everything on the checklist of eligibility, now you have the bigger question in your bucket. How do I adopt?

 

Well, contrary to popular belief, it is quite a simple and easy process. Let us break it down for you:

 

  • First, you register with the CARA through their official website: cara.nic.in
  • Second, you would be asked to fill out forms and upload the required documents which shall include selecting your preferred Specialized Adoption Agency and a place of residence for the authorities to conduct a thorough home-study.
  • The report of the home-study conducted by the social worker would be valid for three years if aptness is confirmed.
  • Next, you would be given the referrals of children who are eligible for adoption. You ought to make a decision within 48 hours after being referred.
  • An appointment is set to match the prospective adoptive parents with a suitable child. And there! If everything goes well, be ready to hear that cute ‘mama’ or ‘dada’.
  • The average duration for child adoption in India for the entire process to be completed would be 18-24 months.

 

How do you know if you are ready?

Well, there is no perfect time for anything but when it comes to taking responsibility for a child, you must know if you are ready.

 

  • First, make sure your finances are in place. You need not be particularly wealthy, but you ought to be confident of whether you can take care of a child until he/she is able to do so on their own. Raising a child can be expensive and you should very well be stable enough to do so.

 

  • Second, check where you stand emotionally. Ask yourself if you are ready to accept and put the child’s needs before your own. This does not mean excessive pampering. An adopted child may have gone through a lot of emotional trauma and attachment issues, be it at an orphanage or a foster care. Unfortunately, prior trauma or abuse is not uncommon either and hence; you must be able to provide emotional stability, support and care  as well. 

 

  • In case you have biological children, let them know what you are planning and have conversations on if they are willing to accept it. Make sure that your entire family is ready to welcome this change.  And more importantly, remember never to compare your adopted child with your biological child. Your adopted child may be from a different race or ethnicity and it is important to welcome them as they are.

 

  • Have conversations with family and friends and seek their support. After all, this moment is something you would want to celebrate and share with your close ones.

 

  • Make sure that your partner and you see eye-to-eye on the major parenting styles such as what religion you would want the child to follow or aspects such as their schooling and disciplinary issues - to name a few. 

 

 

Now that you know what to expect and the procedures involved in child adoption in India, go ahead and plan the welcoming of your child. Remember, adoption is simply not just about having a child but about being a family, having unconditional love and creating a beautiful bond.

 

December 24, 2020 |  read

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Adoption

Issues that Could Arise with Adoption

This article discusses the legal, financial and emotional challenges you might face while adopting, as well as ways to overcome these challenges.

As Richard Bach once said, “The bond that links your family is not one in blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” Adoption creates an impact on both the family and the child. The goal of adoption is to place children in safe and improved institutions.

 

Emotional Challenges

As adolescents, emotional bonds are very challenging to break through. Therefore, parents take great care to listen and watch over their children to try and connect with their understanding of life from their point of view. Children are always in search of their identity and this leads to finding attachments that are relatable to them. Children also tend to portray the sense of grief and loss through other emotional quotients like anger, denial anxiety and fear. The process of adoption can change their perspectives especially as they move from their institution to a new adoptive family. Both the parents and the child turn their focus on building a relationship which will help them to stay connected as one family unit. This comes with sacrifice, incorporating certain changes and understanding. Counsellors can help guide families to achieve a positive psychological balance within the family.

 

Adoptions counsellors initiate the process by trying to understand the intention of the parent(s) for adoption. The process of adoption is still stigmatised in many parts of the country as some communities and societies find it difficult to understand. These social constraints affect both the parents and the adopted child during their growth together. Hence, counsellors guide parents on how to overcome these challenges along with their child. Parents are trained to speak openly about the process of their adoption with their child and other members of the community so that they can shed a positive light on the subject. This also helps the child to boost his/her confidence to build a sense of identity as they grow within the community. 

   

Money, Mind Challenges 

Money is a constant constraint when it comes to the process of adoption. Indian adoption laws require the family or parent to provide the necessary documents before the court that states their wealth and income. The courts need proof to show that the adoption process can support the child to grow and develop and that the family has the capability for upbringing the child.

 

If the family intends to adopt with the help of a private agency, they still have to pay a significant amount of money to the agency to complete the process successfully. There is a large sum difference between public and government agencies. As a parent, it is always best to do some research and talk to experienced people to try and understand the different scenarios in India. In addition to this, once the process begins you should also expect extra charges such as the lawyer’s fee and court processes that might come along the way. Communicate all these charges and extra charges with your agency before you commit to this process. The legal system of adoption in India is quite time-consuming and you have to be very patient.

 

Since adoption in India is often considered as a ‘closed adoption,’ parents get very little information of the child’s prior health conditions. It is nearly impossible to access the medical background of a child. Even in an ‘open adoption’ procedure, the absence of the birth parents may not help us to get complete information. Hence, as parents to the adopted child, you have to rely on the adoption agency to give you as much information as possible. This lack of information regarding the health conditions of the child may cause problems in the future, especially when both parents are working and have to care for the child. In order to avoid such complications, be fearless to question your agency regarding every question you may have about your child.

 

Legal Challenges

Law by nature is long and complicated not only in India, but also across the globe. In India, adoption comes under three specific laws- Hindu Adoption and Maintenance Act 1956, The Guardians and Ward Act 1860 and Juvenile Justice (Care and Protection) Act 2000. These laws have been evolved over time based on different aspects that currently exist in modern India.

 

Religion, gender and nationality are a few initial important points that are taken into consideration by the legal system. The system might be long but there is a lot of help provided by the government and private agencies that can help families to comprehend and successfully complete their adoption procedures.

 

How to Overcome These Challenges

Communication is a very important aspect in the process of adoption. Be supportive of your child and have a good conversation with him/her. It will also help you to get the right support from other sources. Communication can always bridge a gap between parties and solve a lot of problems.

 

 

Focus on building relationships with your child. You can try and connect with his/her past experiences, parents or any other information you receive from your counsellors. Let them make their own age-appropriate choices. This will help the child to feel more comfortable to grow in a different and caring environment.

 

December 23, 2020 |  read

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Adoption

Narrating the Adoption Story

When and how should you tell your child he/she is adopted? Here's everything you need to know before you tell your child about his/her adoption.

The journey of adoption is different from one family to the other. As you decide to go through this process you will be supported by counselors and care groups, that will help you to deal with the situation for the future of your family. You will need this support system to be guided through the different aspects of bringing up your adopted child. Nobody has been an expert in this area, so don’t feel shy to seek help whenever you require it. You need this support as much as your child needs you. Let’s look at a few concepts that most parents deal with.

 

 

Finding the right moment to tell your child

Many personal accounts quote that they told their child about their adoption when they were in the ages of 6-8 years old. They say that their expert sources and adoption counsellors suggest the same time period too. Even if you introduce the word to children, they may not be able to grasp its complete understanding at younger ages of 2-4 years.

 

One mother recalls her experience with this process. She waited for her daughter’s elaborate Barbie-themed birthday party to break the news of her adoption. Narrating the adoption story will help the child to understand how his/her birth took place. Whether adopted or not, children should understand the concept that the adoption came after birth.

 

Demystify the word the term adoption

From a very young age, children tend to imitate and reciprocate to their parents’ language styles. Hence, it is very important to choose the right way to communicate around them.

 

Many adoption workers advise parents to introduce the word "adoption" as early as possible so that it becomes a comfortable part of a child's vocabulary.

 

When it comes to adopted children, the term ‘adoption’ should not be ignored at all. Child welfare experts suggest that it has to be portrayed in a very positive tone and must be discussed around the family table. This strategy of communication can be used even before you tell the child about his/her history.

 

You can include the word ‘adopt’ or ‘adoption’ in stories and other forms of narratives with happy endings. You can be a little creative and cautious at the same time. Your adoption counselors can lead you with great examples. While you do work around this exercise, also remember not to force it into your routine. Try to break into the subject at a gradual pace. For instance, you can bring one story in a week that is easily comprehensible to the child, especially when he/she is alert.

 

Let history remain as it does

The process of adoption does not rub away the child’s history. We have to remember that the birth parents of the child are still in the big picture. It is not right to simply ignore their existence even in their absence of the child’s growth. As adoptive parents, it is a great responsibility to try and simplify the relationship between your child and his/her birth parents. You can overcome this challenge by trying to speak about their birth parents with confidence and love.

 

Birth parents are a part of your child’s life - whether you choose to keep it open, closed, or even if you have very little information about them. You should remember that they are the reason you have your child. At no circumstances should you criticize or ignore the presence of birth parents. During the period of adoption, you may/may not get all the access to the information of the birth parents. Never lie to your child about his/her birth parents. If you think it is too much information for them to take in at one go, be patient and break out the information over a period of time. Bring out the easy ones first before you dive into the hard part of the story.

 

The Q&A session

Lend your ears to their questions at all times. This is an open-ended process. It goes back and forth, day in and day out. Never expect children so young to understand everything that you tell them at once. Be composed and confident when you respond to their queries. Some parents find it hard to keep a straight face when they have to answer uncomfortable questions. One method to overcome this challenge is by talking about it to your partner or adoption counselors. They can advise and correct your gestures and words when facing your child.

 

Children’s curiosity only grows bigger and bigger as their days go by. Giving false information about any detail will raise a red flag in the future. If you think you cannot answer them at that moment or it is too difficult to answer them at that moment, you can lovingly tell them that you will get back to them as soon as possible.

    

If your adopted child is of a different race or has very different physical features from your family, you must be cognizant of signs that he or she is aware of the difference. Your child may have noticed it, or someone else may have commented on it. You will want to explain to your child that the birth process is the same for everyone but acknowledge that people in different cultures have distinguishing physical features and their own rich heritage. Sometimes children who look different from the rest of their family need to be assured that their parents love them. 

 

Children will also portray a range of emotions of different kinds. Do not be surprised by their reactions to their adoption story. For instance, some children immediately react by portraying hatred towards their birth parents. In such cases, we have to correct their way of thinking. We have to give them the freedom to express their range of thoughts. 

 

 

Adoption story is not a one-time narrative. Remember that things like this will never leave their mind. There can be outside sources like a conversation with friends that can trigger this subject once again. When narrating this story, it also instils a sense of confidence within them. Teach them to be brave when other people discuss things such as adoption in public.

 

December 23, 2020 |  read

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Working Parents

A Working Mom’s Relationship with the Baby

Find the perfect balance between your work life and your family life. To all working moms, you've got this!

What is a working mom’s relationship with the baby like? As a working mom, are you juggling between your responsibilities at work, and as a mother? Here is some comforting piece of news for you : it is the story of many other women today in these changing times. It is true when people say that parents are a child’s very first teachers. They do play an important role in shaping the child’s life. Given that now both parents go to work, the child-parent dynamics work in two ways - sometimes positive, sometimes not. 

 

With a more disposable income at hand, parents may take the liberty to provide the best for their children. However, as a simple bargain, there is less time that is spent with the child. There is no denying that as a working mom, you might miss out on some milestones, but it most definitely does not mean that your bond can not be a strong one. Your little one will anyway love you just as much! Let us look at a few aspects :

 

 

A Role Model to The Child

Children of this new age must be brought up with an understanding that women are not just homemakers, from an early age. They must know that their mother and father have a professional life of their own, to be able to look up to both of them. On one hand, the girl child shall learn that getting married and bearing children is not her purpose. On the other hand, the boy child shall understand that chores in the household are a shared responsibility of the family.

 

Independent Kids

There are a plethora of activities that working mothers manage. While at it, what they also might be able to do is encourage their child from the very beginning to take responsibility. With the mother being available for the child 24/7, there comes a certain sense of being pampered without realising it. Each member of the family plays an active role in such a setting, and eventually prepares the child for the real world.

 

Quality of The Lifestyle

There are some financial benefits that come along the way of parents working full-time. They are in a better position to provide the best for their child, to let the child pursue interests in extra-curriculars. They might be able to choose schools of their liking.  A better and quality lifestyle might therefore become more affordable with both parents working. 

 

Bonding Time

With both parents busy at work, there may be very little time to spare for the child. Therefore, a working mom’s relationship with the baby may be affected. However, to make up for all the time a working mom misses with her child, she is able to compensate by spending some quality time. There is something to look forward to for both, the child and the mother throughout the day. 

 

An Emotional Outlet For The Child

In trying to find a family and work balance, as a mom, you might feel weary and tired. Despite having kept the child’s best interest in her heart, the mother might not be able to provide the child with an emotional outlet. You might not be as enthusiastic to tend to the child after a hectic day in the workplace. Therefore, the child may start to find comfort elsewhere. So it becomes important for the working mom to make sure she spends quality time with her baby.

 

Exposure

The fact is that each member of the family is spending most of their day without each other, they interact with several other people. The child, either left in the care of a grandparent, or a relative, or in a daycare centre, meets several new faces. By the end of each day, you and your baby come together and are able to enjoy a sense of home around each other. The separation in the morning might hurt, but the child eventually becomes used to a routine, and starts to eventually look forward to seeing you again.

 

Conclusion

You probably constantly analyse what is best for your child. Whatever you choose to be, a stay- at- home mommy or a working mommy, make sure you are happy. An unhappy stay- at- home mommy who is not satisfied with her situation is also not ideal. However, some women find absolute contentment in being available for their child 24/7, tending to them, and staying at home. What is important for the child and his or her development also lies in the wellbeing of the mother, and her sense of fulfilment. It really is the quality of time that matters more than the quantity. A working mom’s relationship with the baby can be a beautiful one, given a balance of work and family time. Regardless of whether you choose to work outside or stay at home, you will be a great mother. We believe in you!

 

 

December 21, 2020 |  read

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Surrogacy

Becoming a Parent Through Surrogacy - What, Why, and How

Surrogacy brings one a step closer to parenthood.This article discusses surrogacy and reasons why one might want to consider it.

Human bodies are mysterious in their work, sometimes we don’t understand why some things happen. Infertility is one of them. But if you are a couple who wants a child, then don’t be disheartened by the issue. Today, science has made it possible to tackle most of the problems very well. If you cannot have a baby by natural means, there are a lot of other options out there. Becoming a parent through surrogacy is one of them. Basically, when you opt surrogacy as your option, another woman will carry your pregnancy for you. A lot of people around the world, including celebrities have opted for surrogacy to carry their babies. It is one of the common methods of Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART). 

 

Due to the complex nature of the entire process, surrogacy has some ethical, social, moral and legal conditions associated with it. No need to be anxious though. Your counsellor or your gynaecologist will help you navigate through these issues. It may seem a little overwhelming, but you are not alone, surrogacy is one of the important medical procedures which can provide the happiness of parenting to couples who cannot reproduce due to various reasons. The people involved in this process will be you and your partner (intended parents) and the surrogate mother. Once you go through all the paperwork and legalities (with the help of your guide), you move on to the procedure and then get ready to greet your little one soon.

 

You might be wondering when you and your partner should have “the talk”. When should you start considering surrogacy as an option? What are the possible reasons to choose surrogacy? Well, ladies, we are here to help you through it. Get a glass of your favourite beverage and read through.

 

Surrogacy laws might differ from country to country, however in India, you can opt for surrogacy if you and your partner have been trying to have a baby by natural means for five years and have had no luck. There are also provisions to choose the method if it is physically/medically impossible for you to have a baby. 

 

However, in the western countries, the rules are not as rigid; surrogacy is also permitted there for a variety of other reasons, apart from infertility. Let us take a look at them.

 

Single parents

Due to certain factors, one might decide that they want a baby, but not a partner. What to do in such conditions? They can opt for surrogacy as it lets them have a baby with their genetic components via the surrogate mother and sharing the journey of pregnancy is fully optional. Becoming a parent through surrogacy can be a truly enriching experience

 

Mother’s medical conditions

While it is unfortunate, some women might have medical conditions which prevent them from having a baby. Absence of the uterus, which might be as a result of hysterectomy or by birth is one of the common causes. If the mother -to- be has other serious conditions like heart disease, cancer, renal failure or fibroids in the uterus, it might be the safest option to choose a surrogate. In the meantime, you take the best care of yourself and become as healthy as possible for your little marvel.

 

Same sex couples

It is not possible for same sex couples to produce a child of their own, but hey! Surrogacy can be your best option to get that tiny addition to your family and experience the joy of parenthood. Lesbian couples can choose surrogacy as the resulting embryo from one of the partners can be transferred and carried by the other one.

 

Lifestyle – By choice

There is no hard and fast rule that you can be a mother only if you carry a child in your womb. You can be every bit of a mother even if you choose to have a baby outside of your body. Like with everything else, here too, women are given a chance to make their own choice. Some of them might not like to carry a baby due to work factors, some might be traumatized from previous birth experiences or miscarriages or sometimes, one might not just like it! If you feel one of these ways but would still like to parent a baby, then surrogacy is one of your options.

 

There you go! You now know when you should consider becoming a parent through surrogacy as an option. In spite of knowing these, it is always safer to have a conversation with an expert in the matter and also educate yourselves about the laws related to surrogacy in the countries you dwell in. You might come to the decision of surrogacy easily or you could have some difficulty processing all these. While you don’t experience the pregnancy physically, emotionally, you can still be a part of it. The journey may seem stressful sometimes, but kudos to you guys! You have made the beautiful decision of embracing parenthood and once that precious bundle of joy is added to your family, you would be happier than ever!

 

December 24, 2020 |  read

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Parenting & Lifestyle

Changes in Relationship with Your Partner After Childbirth

Has your relationship with your partner after childbirth slightly taken a back seat? Well, it is time to put some effort into the relationship and bring back the sparkle.

Parenthood can bring about change in the partners’ relationship with each other, and that is okay. Emotions are heightened from all the stress, anxiety of being first-time parents, and sleep deprivation. Naturally, your baby needs you, but your relationship needs you too. After having a baby, there could be challenges faced by many couples. There are plenty of reasons why romantic relationships between couples change, post pregnancy. Here is what can be done to change that:

 

Lack of Communication After Childbirth

Attending to the baby while taking turns is probably how you are going about it. You also are probably only having conversations about responsibilities towards the baby, and not really talking about other things that matter. However, it is important to remember to find time to make other conversations too. An open and honest conversation is fundamental to any healthy relationship. 

Your foundation as a couple must be tended to. It needs attention. Be it playful chats over the dining table, or questions about how the partner’s day was like, make sure you talk effectively. It sure makes a gesture of love and appreciation, and goes a long way. It does not always take grand romantic displays to enhance the happiness in your relationship with your partner after childbirth. Simply talk, and stay connected. Let each other know how you feel, and fill them in. However, if there is stress or tension

  • Find time to talk when calm.
  • Put yourself in the shoes of the other person, and try to understand their perspective.
  • Do not get to blaming and criticising each other for reasons absolutely unnecessary. 
 

Losing Intimacy Post Pregnancy

Sexual satisfaction and intimacy can bring many changes. The kind of passion that probably existed before the child now seems to have been lost. It may not seem realistic now. Both of you must be tired, and understandable so. All this makes it all the more important to cherish whatever little time you can find to spend alone, together. A peck on the cheek or a kiss, or a tight hug also show affection. The gesture in itself will speak for the love you have for the other person. You could also slip in some sticky notes, or send flirtatious texts to each other to rekindle your post pregnancy romance. Maybe try and plan for some simple date nights with candles and food from your favourite restaurant. It is time to prioritize your relationship too.

 

The Struggles of Parenthood

Understandably, there is a whole set of hurdles that you have to face, once you have become a parent. In dealing with these challenges, as a couple, you tend to forget that your relationship is older than the baby. You become constantly occupied with the baby, their schedule, and slowly lose the charm of your loving romantic relationship. But you know what will help? Deal with these challenges not as two individual parental entities, but as a team. It will help you grow together and stronger. Collaborate, allocate duties and responsibilities, and make your way through this beautiful journey. Be mindful of what your needs as a couple are.

 

No Spontaneity

Remember the time when you would randomly plan a movie, a trek, or a date night someplace cool, without having to give much thought to it? You probably are missing your spontaneous old selves. All the spontaneity that you now are most likely to miss has kept your relationship exciting in the past. However, things look different now, after the baby has arrived. What can be done to get the spark back is to do those things again, but maybe with a little bit of planning and prepping. Let your parents, close relatives or friends babysit for some time. Do some realistic planning, and try to make things work out again. It is absolutely okay to change your ideas about what spending time together should be like. Now you are a couple that likes to plan ahead, which is not a bad deal at all!

 

Your relationship with your partner after childbirth must not bring down your marital satisfaction. The birth of your baby is a major milestone for the two of you, in this relationship of yours. While your baby needs nurturing, your relationship as a couple does too, in its own unique ways. We know you've both got this!


 

February 27, 2021 |  read

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Single Parents

Dating as a Single Mother

While your kid(s) will always be your first priority, it is okay to cater to your own needs too. For all the single mothers out there - this one's for you!

Dating can be quite an adventure. Especially when you are dating as a single mother, it brings about a whole range of emotions - anxiety, hope, disappointment, elation. Parenting is already a full time job. Additionally, if you are a single parent, in raising a young child, it becomes doubly so. The thought of dating might have struck your mind. Wondering what that is like? Here are a few strategies that can help you get back out there!

 

Know if You are Ready

Today, there are more ways than ever to find potential matches for single people. You may  be willing to try and date again, but it is understandable if you are also wary about it. There is a possibility of rejection that comes with the process, and has the potential to really test you. Struggling hard to keep your cynicism at bay? Know that there may be a set of reasons why you have chosen to still be single. There may be too many variables at play. Make sure that you are ready for this change, and take a decision that comes out of self love.

 

Stay Guilt Free

Single parents tend to feel guilty, but know that you do not have to. Dating as a single mother can be by choice, or because of a prior divorce, or widowhood. In any case, guilt may become a constant companion.  It is understandable that when you want your child to have the world, you would feel that a partner would make the job easier. Do not feel bad at all for wanting a personal adult life of your own.

Realise that it is a Family You are Thinking About

It is not only a relationship that you may be going to form with a new person, but also may be including them in your family. A family with kids. Assess thoroughly how the potential stepfamily relationship is going to develop in the future (of course after you reach that stage of seriouseness in dating). 

 

Fill Your Kids In

It is best to not associate any moral judgements to wanting to date as a single mother. There is nothing wrong with it, and hence be confident in sharing it with you child. Take your sweet time, but fill them in, whenever you deem fit. It is a slow and gradual process to accept a parental dating relationship. All they need is your reassurance that you love them no matter what, and will forever stick around. Eventually, in time, they are going to learn that including a new person in one’s life does not necessarily mean that affections split up. It might take time, but they will gradually understand and be open to welcoming a new member.

 

Let Your Date Know About Your Kids

When you are dating as a single mother, it is important to have your date know that you are a mom. Try and find the most appropriate time to do so, preferably over the first date itself. What it does is that it weeds out all dates that do not wish to accommodate children in their new relationship with someone. It will further only help you to not waste your time or invest emotionally. There is no need whatsoever for long descriptions, but rather a simple conversation where they feel comfortable in asking questions to you too.

 

Thoroughly Understand a Potential Partner

Get the child involved in this process only once you are sure that the potential match has over time, earned your trust. Take time to know them, their personality. Do a background check if possible. Under no circumstances should you be putting yourself or your child(ren) into any kind of risk.

 

Find the Right Time to Introduce the Kid with Your Date

When is the right time for your child and your date to meet? It is a common question many single mothers wrestle with. Give the relationship a significant amount of time to undergo a natural flow of ups and downs. Allow it to grow and let it reach a point where there is comfort in the idea of seeing the two parties meet.

 

Do Not Bother Yourself With the Moral Police

There is no need for you to think about what the society or people around you might say. That also does not mean that you stop to seek advice, but know that you must overlook any kind of moral judgements people might pass casually. You know what you are doing, and why you are doing it. You are the best judge for yourself. Say bye bye to the moral police! You are going to do just fine, and we are sure of it. Happy dating!


 

February 23, 2021 |  read

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